I haven’t died

Yes the reports of my demise have been exaggerated.  I know a few of you were getting worried that Mrs B had done a “Jordache” and buried me under the patio, but fear not – I’m still alive and well and the lack of blogging activity was due to my indolence.  Speaking of the Jordache family you don’t seem to see much lesbian kissing on the telly anymore.  Kat Deeley and Holly Willoughby work for me telly execs – make it happen.

As you may have read in Mrs B’s previous post, the demise of Los Fab happened a few weeks ago.  We were both genuinely gutted about it because we seriously thought we were starting to make it work and we had compromised as much as we could with the cretinous little twerp club owner.  I really can’t stress enough how much of a complete pair of numptys him and his musical director are.  No really – they were a pair of totally clueless tossers with no idea at all about music or giving people what they want.  I could go on for quite a while here but I reckon you’ve get the message.  Wankers (them not you).

Anyway like most good things once they’ve gone everyone starts bitching about them not being there anymore – like me not blogging for example.  I’m starting to lose count of the number of people who have expressed their disappointment at us not doing Los Fabulosos anymore as they had such a great time at the one they came to or had been too busy to come along in June, July and August due to their hectic summer working schedule.  Los Fab is currently like a nice version of Leeds United – a sleeping giant – but unlike Leeds it doesn’t need a rich Arab to awake it from its slumber, just a new nightclub.  So I’m on the lookout and we’re hoping to do at least one or two more in the next 3-4 weeks.

Watch this space….

The last straw

Los Fabulosos is no more, well for the time being anyway.

We’ve decided to pack it in at Somni, maybe we’ll look for another venue, but right now we need a break. To say we’ve had a few problems is an understatement and last week was the final straw.

You know we’ve had difficulties with the club since the beginning, when it wasn’t ready for the first two parties, well they continued almost every week. Two weeks ago the owner told us on the Monday that he’d decided the music wasn’t working and we had to make a change because the club was going to be busy. The last two Fridays have been public holidays and so with people off work the next day our Thursday nights were rammed.

Now, we were a bit put out by this because the other house nights in the week are, to be frank, failures. No-one goes. We even saw a DJ on one night turn up with a computer, plug it in and sit back smoking tabs – no effort required!

Anyway, we met the owner all the way. We did a pirate theme. I decorated the club with skulls and crossbones and we bought loads of eye-patches and flower garlands to give out and we got another DJ, who plays at one of the big clubs, to come and do a couple of hours of disco, broken-beats and a bit of classic house (we still did a few hours of tropical, which went down really well) aaaaannnnddd…. he loved it (as well as everyone else).

We thought the coast was clear for the following week. But, the next Monday he told us we were bumped to the back room because the music director (ahem) had a DJ friend coming from Barcelona who was going to do the main room. Our other alternative was nothing, nowt, nada. So, speechless, we agreed.

Thursday arrived and this mega Barcelona DJ was nowhere to be seen. Instead it was the guy who usually does the Saturday night. So, we did our thing, picked up our money on Monday and are about to tell the owner where he can stick his club. I don’t need to tell you where that is, do I?

Anyway, a weight has been lifted and we’d like to say thanks to everyone who has supported us so far – from the DJs who slept on our sofa to the messages of support from pals back in Blighty – it means a lot.

We’re going to get some little jobs and spend some time at the beach, so it’s not all bad. And if we find a perfect little venue to do a few more Los Fabs then we’ll definitely get in there and do them. The best thing is that now we’ve got time we can blog more. See, things always happen for a reason.

Showers and smelly pits

The muppetry of this island is beginning to take its toll on Mr B and myself. Even having a morning shower is almost impossible. We’d had a good run these past few weeks with the taps working all the time, but this morning it was back to the norm – nowt.

In all this heat you need to have at least two showers a day otherwise you end up smelling like a dodgy fairgound burger van (well, everyone except me of course!). To make matters worse we had run out of deodorant, so I had to nip out to the bank and shops with just a spritz of Pacha for men for coverage (it was a freebie, we’re not that sad). No-one noticed, well no-one turned their noses up, or if they did I’m blaming the Pacha perfume. Thankfully it’s only ever off for a few hours so we’re back in business now, although it is 2 in the afternoon.

We’ve got some news about Los Fabulosos, but I can’t tell you just yet. Soon.

Ten things we miss about Blighty

In reverse order, of course. I don’t want to ruin the surprise…

10. Television – Spanish TV is truly dreadful. It might help if I could speak the lingo, but I still don’t think that’s going to help.

9. London parks – a great place to spend the afternoon. We do have lots of lovely sandy beaches, but it does get everywhere.

8. The great British weather – all this sunshine is boring. I’m too darn hot and would kill for a cold, windy day – only joking losers.

7. A decent sandwich selection – here is an example of the choices you get at most places in Ibiza.

Ham

Cheese

Mixed (ham and cheese)

House special – tuna, lettuce, chicken, tomato, fried egg, bacon, asparagus, olives, onions, ham and cheese.

6. People making decisions on trivial matters in less than 2-3 weeks – I say no more.

5. Supermarkets – they all look like Lidl (with loads of cardboard boxes in the aisles with stock galore waiting to be put on the shelves) even the decent ones.

4. Going to a nightclub and not being charged £40 to get in plus £12 a drink – scandalous. Although, Los Fabulosos is a much better value night out, with better music, cheap drinks and free entry, every Thursday…

3. Not being able to pay with a debit or credit card – oh, how I miss the days of being able to switch a loaf of bread and a pint of milk.

2. Having to buy drinking water – bloody plastic bottles everywhere.

1. Our friends and family – awww.

Sorry. We’re now back

Mr B and I would like to apologise to our avid readers for the lack of blogging. The truth is we haven’t had time, lame I know, but its the truth.

Things have been really hectic and totally up and down. One minute things are going swimmingly and then the next it falls apart. I don’t really know where to start.

First there was the Los Fabulosos parade on Figueretes and Salinas beaches – fantastic. Here’s a picture of two hot chicks holding up our banner and then an action shot of the capoeira.

Hot chicks on Salinas beach

He really is upside down

Then there was the incident with the terrible DJ from the island, whose idea of warming the crowd up was playing Brazilian chill out – Mr B called it wallpaper music, everyone else called it s***. To make things worse there was then a stand-off between the Brazilians and the other south Americans. The Brazilians wanted samba and samba only, and the others wanted salsa and salsa only. Neither would dance to the ‘other side’s’ music and stood there looking moody. The Brazilian dancer decided to step in and got inside the DJ booth and tried to put on a Reggaeton CD – the DJ was non too pleased. It was totally crazy.

Since then there have been various arguments with poster girls in Figueretes (which I could go into in much more detail, but it will make me angry and lead to name calling), lots of flyering and a few more radio appearances.

On Thursday we had DJ Greymatter from the Mr Bongo Soundsystem over to launch their new album. He was totally fantastic – the most technically brilliant DJ I have seen for a long time and the music he played was amazing. Hopefully we’ll be able to welcome him back sometime during the summer.

Then Mr B played a gig at Sunset Ashram – a lovely beach bar in Cala Conta that is a great place to watch the sunset. I had a great time too eating curry and drinking cold beer – it’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it.

It doesn’t rain…

No, I’m not talking about the weather – it’s been hot and sunny, none of those freaky storms like last month. Rather, it seems that fate has been against us, that is until today.

First of all, the club still wasn’t quite ready for us last week. All day Thursday there were about 50 fitters and fixers (and quite a few bodge-jobbers) in there trying to get it finished off. Then at about 6pm Mr B and I were called in, as well as our fantastic DJ, and two of our friends, to help sweep, lift and shift bags of cement and, erm, cover a gaping hole in the ceiling. I kid you not.

So as you can imagine, our nerves were a bit shot, but we ended up having a fantastic time. Lewis ‘Smokey’ Robinson played a brilliant set (thank you!) and there was lots of drinking and dancing.

Then on Saturday night, Mr B loses the one and only car key we have. Knowing how long it takes to get anything done over here, we had visions of getting our car back in a month’s time. Luckily, he managed to find it by retracing his steps. He had to walk six mies in flip flops, but don’t feel sorry for him, he was drunk when it “fell” out of his pocket.

Then the internet packed up. I reckon that I’ve spent at least six hours in the Vodafone shop trying to get it fixed – most of that was just waiting around. But in fairness to them, they did it and we’re now back online. I feel like a dimwit because the problem was so easy to solve (no, I’m not going to embarrass myself further by telling you).

Anyway, our luck has changed for the better today. Our Los Fabulosos banner arrived and is now swinging in the breeze outside the club. It’s 6.30pm and I’m at about to have a cold shower and get ready for some serious flyering action, not sweeping up dust and stocking bars.

Things are looking up!

Scary bouncers and Germans in hot-pants – Los Fab opens…

Well it’s been an experience this week….

I wish I could tell you that the Los Fabulosos opening was rammed to the gills with Jade Jagger et al partying like their lives depended on it – but it didn’t quite work out that way.

The venue we moved to wasn’t what you could call the most professionally run establishment we’ve ever seen.  The manager is also co-promoting a huge night at a 10,000 capacity club which kicks off this Friday – he needs 6,000 in every week for the whole summer just to break even (and I’m bricking it about getting 400 in).  So as you can imagine we weren’t exactly high up on his agenda.  

Second a pair of very scary bouncers wouldn’t let us open until the door-girl arrived – she rocked up at 1.30am.  So a lot of our punters had turned up and had been promptly sent packing by the two aggressive roid monkeys as there was no-one to take the money.  They didn’t return.

Thirdly the venue was surrounded by a lot of gay bars – a lot.  Now I’ve been known to enjoy a sing-along to YMCA and have even occasionally worn women’s clothes – me in a saucy nurse’s uniform on my stag night is giving people nightmares to this day – but what response can you seriously expect if you walk over to 10 Germans in leather hot-pants with white vests tucked in and invite them to a world music night?  And some of the teenage boys milling around gave a whole new meaning to ‘passing trade’.

Despite all of that there were a fair few positives that came from the night – the DJs were incredible despite the circumstances.  And we have changed our pricing structure and our marketing now for when we launch at our proper venue too so that we get the club full early on.   And the people who did make it through the doors (and there were a few by the end) had an amazing time.  Loads said it was the best music they’d heard on the island for years and all of them said they’d come back.  Another very encouraging sign was that the majority were Spanish & Italians who had come specifically for the music.  And best of all, everyone danced like crazy.  And there was even one or two hot-pants wearing Germans in there.  I think they came more because they fancied my brother after his slick sales spiel than they were into afrobeat mind.  

So we live to fight another day and we planted an acorn.  Let’s just hope it grows…

 

 

The big day

This is it… today is the day.

Mr B and I would like to say a big thank you to all our friends who have sent their good luck messages.

Bring on the party! 

Disaster strikes

Yesterday the owner of the club dropped a bombshell – he said the club will not be ready to open on Thursday night. Never mind our fears of an empty club, the reality of no club is much, much worse.

Faced with this stark reality of falling before even the first hurdle, Mr B and I raced to Figueretes to find out the facts. It’s true – the club is still a bloody building site – despite at least 10 Spanish builders (meant to be) working in there. Wires are still hanging from the ceiling and the outside is boarded up. To be brutally honest it’s a shambles.

But, not ones to let go (Mr B is like a hungry dog with a bone) we spent all day and night searching for a new venue. After looking at a bowling alley with the New York skyline painted on the walls, a pub in the sticks and several dodgy Spanish disco bars we struck gold. At 1am we shook hands on Lola’s (c/d’Alfons XII 10, Sa Penya) – an amazing little club built into the Dalt Villa walls in Ibiza Town!

We’ve had to do a cut and paste special on all our posters and make stickers to cover over the map on our flyers – it’s a bodge job, but it’ll hopefully do the trick. The hard work starts now, telling all the people we’ve spoken to (mainly in very broken Spanish with a lot of hand gestures and pointing) that the Los Fabulosos opening party isn’t round the corner it’s down the road, round a corner through the square and then some…

Oh well, despite all the disaster, I’m still feeling lucky!

Less than a week to go…

Yes, in five days time it’s the first Los Fabulosos party…. gulp.

I’m already a bag of nerves and have got the fear that no-one is going to turn up. Mr B has set up a Facebook event and I can’t help myself from counting the attendees every day. He says it’s pointless, but I just can’t help myself. So far there are 18 agreed, plus Mr B, me, his brother and Hula Girl that’s 22, but if you include the three DJs it’s 25. Erm….

Anyway, it’s like a poster factory in our flat at the minute. We didn’t want to fork out for separate posters for the first night, so have stuck a piece of paper across it saying ‘opening party’ (sorry Guapa – it’s honestly just a thin strip and doesn’t mess up the design). I feel like I’m back at primary school doing art what with all this cutting and sticking. The Rock God helped us out (again) by printing the stickers for the flyers and invitations – he is truly a legend that man, and will be guest of honour on Thursday. 

We’ve had some good coverage so far -

Ibiza Now magazine - http://www.ibizaa-z.com/print2.php?name=Los%20Fabulosos

Times Online  - http://travel.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/travel/destinations/spain/article4065578.ece

Sun Online - http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/ibiza/article1266990.ece

All very exciting. Plus we’re looking forward to appearing on Ibiza’s Sonica radio station - http://www.ibizasonica.com/ - between 4pm-6pm on the big day itself. Make sure you tune in!